North Pole warns of pilot shortage as
reindeer leave for commercial
sleighlines
SANTA’S WORKSHOP — The North Pole is in the midst
of a
readiness crisis as it struggles to fill its pilot ranks with
qualified reindeer, who are leaving the service in record
numbers to work at commercial sleighlines, sources
confirmed today.
readiness crisis as it struggles to fill its pilot ranks with
qualified reindeer, who are leaving the service in record
numbers to work at commercial sleighlines, sources
confirmed today.
Santa Claus claims he has only 75 percent of the
deerpower
he needs to deliver presents this year, especially in crucial
eavy lift squadrons.
he needs to deliver presents this year, especially in crucial
eavy lift squadrons.
“This is truly alarming. There is no way I’ll be
able to
deliver presents to all the good girls and boys, let alone
coal to all the naughty ones,” said Claus. “The reindeer we
do have are being worked to the antler, flying three or four
gumdrop sorties a day.”
deliver presents to all the good girls and boys, let alone
coal to all the naughty ones,” said Claus. “The reindeer we
do have are being worked to the antler, flying three or four
gumdrop sorties a day.”
Santa is offering hefty incentive bonuses to keep reindeer
from leaving for more lucrative jobs at commercial
sleighlines like Hoofthansa. But even offers of triple
helpings of moss and herbs are not enough to keep them
in the service. Unless he can fix the retention problem soon,
Santa says he might have to cancel Christmas across
large swaths of North and South America.
from leaving for more lucrative jobs at commercial
sleighlines like Hoofthansa. But even offers of triple
helpings of moss and herbs are not enough to keep them
in the service. Unless he can fix the retention problem soon,
Santa says he might have to cancel Christmas across
large swaths of North and South America.
“We’re trying to do more with less, but the fact
is that’s
impossible,” said Lt. Col. Rudolph, commander of Red
Squadron. “With this Op Tempo, my guys already refuse
to fly over Detroit and Chicago. It’s just too dangerous.”
impossible,” said Lt. Col. Rudolph, commander of Red
Squadron. “With this Op Tempo, my guys already refuse
to fly over Detroit and Chicago. It’s just too dangerous.”
The average reindeer costs
about $1 million and takes 3
years to train, according to North Pole figures. The North
Pole needs to keep those ruminants in its ranks past their
initial commitment to maximize return on its investment.
years to train, according to North Pole figures. The North
Pole needs to keep those ruminants in its ranks past their
initial commitment to maximize return on its investment.
“Not only are large numbers of reindeer getting
out, our
best reindeer are getting out,” said Rudolph. “Donner and
Blitzen dropped papers last week, and Dasher and Dancer
and Prancer and Vixen all took private jobs at Doeing
testing unmanned sleighs.”
best reindeer are getting out,” said Rudolph. “Donner and
Blitzen dropped papers last week, and Dasher and Dancer
and Prancer and Vixen all took private jobs at Doeing
testing unmanned sleighs.”
While Claus increasingly has been filling the
ranks with
unmanned aerial sleighs (UASs), turnover among the
elves who pilot them has also been an issue.
unmanned aerial sleighs (UASs), turnover among the
elves who pilot them has also been an issue.
“These UAS pilots are always on the clock,
delivering
presents to hundreds of houses an hour from thousands
of miles away,” he said. “Nobody can handle that much
Christmas cheer.
Nobody.”
Jeg tror at reinsdyrene også har sett tegninger som
de ikke uten videre kan se for seg som gode løsninger.
Her er en slik illustrasjon som kan ha skremt dem: (Red.)
presents to hundreds of houses an hour from thousands
of miles away,” he said. “Nobody can handle that much
Christmas cheer.
Nobody.”
Jeg tror at reinsdyrene også har sett tegninger som
de ikke uten videre kan se for seg som gode løsninger.
Her er en slik illustrasjon som kan ha skremt dem: (Red.)
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