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Santa’s Detection Evasion Strategy

Posted on December 17, 2012 by The Editor

 

With state-of-the-art radar, satellite early-warning and detection systems ringing many of the world’s nations, how can Santa fly in and out of various hotspots across the world without being detected (and, in some places, maybe even intercepted)?

The answer: Elf Pilot Escort. Every gift-delivering sortie by Santa’s highly maneuverable sled is escorted by a stealth shield of elves piloting Unidentified Flying Objects (UFOs).
As we all know, Elf UFOs are undetectable by any human radar, infrared system or satellite. Indeed, over the years, there were numerous visual sightings of these Elf UFOs, mostly just before Christmas. The latest sightings of these UFOs were made in the India – China border region. Local newspapers reported that yellowish spheres appear to lift off from the horizon and slowly traverse the sky for three to five hours before disappearing. Those were obviously student Elf pilot training sorties.
We also know that Elf UFOs are armed with Smart Weapons, similar to what we mortals call Directed Energy Weapons (DEWs). These Smart Weapons are designed to hit a target with precision; to render the target useless without causing any casualties.
Elf pilots in their UFOs act as scouts for Santa’s sledge. Their UFOs hover, fly vertically and scout each planned gift delivery site in search of hostile forces. Once they give the green signal, Santa’s sledge can zoom into the target zone and Santa can go about his business unmolested.
If the Elf pilots locate hostile threats in the landing zone, they use their Battle Management Systems (BMS) on board their UFOs to direct their incapacitating DEWs. Off-board sensors and onboard infrared tracking and range-finding sensors provide the needed data. The forward-mounted Beam Control System (BCS) powers the DEWs, aligns and calibrates it, and ensures target acquisition and prompt delivery. The deformable mirror has 361 actuators, which reshape the mirror at 2,000 Hz – this means only 1/2000 sec is required to not only measure the distortion but also to calculate and control the mirror actuator.
Some of the sub-systems are still classified, but the secret of Santa’s evasion strategy is “out of the bag” now. We’re working on learning more and will bring you the information as it becomes available. In the meantime, we wish Santa a safe flight and a happy delivery.
HO! HO! HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!